I love you pretty girl even though you are dangerous

I love my daughter.  

I honestly believe I've given her over a million kisses since her birth almost 2 years ago.  I love everything about her.  I love watching her grow up, learn new things and figure things out- like how she now knows how to turn on my iphone and slide her finger across the screen when looking at pictures.  I love watching her smile as she recognizes herself in the pictures.  I do cringe watching her grow up only because I can’t believe how fast it’s passing.  I swear I still feel like it was just yesterday that I was rubbing my belly, completely happy and content knowing that my sweet girl was in there growing.  Before I knew it I was in the hospital expecting her to come any minute and then 27 hours later after over 3 hours of pushing POP she was here.  I remember looking at her thinking- I can’t wait till you can sit up and then one day; there she was, sitting up! I thought before I know it, she’ll be walking and again I look up and she’s walking to me arms outstretched. I think back to her starting to coo and babble, which eventually turned to words like mama and dada repeated endlessly and now she’s repeating all kinds of words and starting to make sentences.

Some people say “she’s not even 2, calm down; you have so much more time with her”

But it’s like I used to tell my students, you get this one tiny little window in your life to be young, you have the rest of your life to be old. I know I’ll blink and she’ll be all grown up!

Recently we've been dealing with another part of growing up.  Isabelle is learning how to communicate her feelings and some of her feelings aren't so nice.  Like MINE! Or NO!

She’s not the best sharer and definitely doesn't like to hear no or when we stop her from doing something she obviously wants to do or taking something away from her.

At first it started with teething.  I mean I get it, if I’m a baby and I’m given frozen plastic objects to chew on to help with my pain- why not try out other items that pass by my mouth.  Nibbling on mommy’s shoulder, chewing on a neighboring baby’s finger that is pointed in my face- You mean that finger wasn't meant for my mouth?

But we've reached the point where she doesn't get what she wants; she opens her mouth and lunges towards us.  Or she’ll just get in a “funk” and it takes very little for her to explode

She’s been written up at daycare several times and I’m getting the stink eye from more and more parents.  I’m guessing she’s tagged everyone in her room, if not close to everyone with her bite mark.  And I get it, I’d be upset to pick my kid up and they have a nice lil red mark on their cheek.  Yep, that’s right my kid has already gone for the face in her attacks.

All too often I hear, oh she’s bad.  Heck- I've said it to her “BAD BAD GIRL!”

I would like to assert the fact that she is not bad and I’m definitely not a bad mom.  I mean remember- I’m captain of Team Awesome. 

I've looked into this and it’s as simple as frustration and fear.  They are learning to process everything and they aren't quite there yet.  Maybe your kid has but mine hasn't.  She’s got a million things going on in her head; remember she’s learning it all right now.  How to open things, how to turn things on, how to talk, how to jump, how to run- so much to learn and if you stop and think about it- it’s kind of amazing.  So she’s getting upset and it’s building up inside, incident and after incident until finally the only thing she knows to do is open that mouth and chomp!  It can be a bunch of things that happened in the past or one incident – it just reaches a boiling point when they need to let it all out. 

The CRAZIEST thing I've read about the biting is that a lot of children that have the biting issues were born from long, difficult labors.  Wow!  That might not be the case with everyone but that definitely matches up with me!

I've also been puzzled as to why she’ll laugh when I stop her from biting and scold her.  I mean, I’m sitting in my bathroom practicing my mean face.  I have to admit it is pretty ridiculous and might warrant a laugh here and there but not with a stern NO!  Then I've learned that this is actually a good sign.  It means she’s releasing the tension that has built up in her.  It could come in the form or crying, wriggling around in a fit or in laughing.  It’s all sign she’s letting it all out. 

OK so now I feel better and I can even relate!  So I have serious jaw issues, when I’m stressed I clench my teeth.  I clench them so hard I give myself what feels like ear aches.  I also tend to clench my teeth when I’m super happy about something.  I've always wondered why I did that.  I’m doing exactly what she’s doing but I’m not biting anyone- I’m biting down on my own teeth.

So now feeling a little better about our situation, I’m continuing what I've always done.  I get in her face, eye contact, tell her no. I remove her from the situation and then get back to eye contact to let her know why we don’t bite and let her have her fit or cry or even laugh.

I've been told to bite her back or hit her with a “she won’t bite again” comment.  And maybe she won’t but now I've just told her not to bite by biting her- what?  And I've taught her that when someone frustrates you, you hit them.  Which is something I struggle with at 32- sometimes I get frustrated and I want to hit something.  I've held myself back from popping her, it’s a reaction I have too and have to consciously stop myself.  Turns out all she needs is a little TLC.  Just like me- she needs someone to pay attention to her and let her know she is loved.

In no way am I saying it's okay to bite, because it's not.  But such is true in almost every point of conflict in our lives, heck in the world- find out the reason and you will usually have more success in resolving the problem long term.  Listening isn't always the easiest alternative but I've found in other situations it is the best alternative.

So if you are like me and have a biter; you are feeling like you have the “bad kid” and you feel all alone.  Know this- you aren't.  Your kid isn't bad and you aren't a bad parent.  They are a lot like us, we get upset, life is dealing us crappy hand after crappy hand and all you want is someone to listen to you vent.  They too are just looking for someone to listen to them VENT.

They are still as sweet as sugar and they will continue to give you headaches and heartaches.  You, like me, are a great parent!

J

Just keep letting them know how much you love them, every day, every moment you can- even if they are dangerous ;)