Where are you Miss Isabelle?

We've got about 10 days until the ETA Stork Drop.  Part of me wants her here now.  It would be nice to not have her pushing on every internal organ, to be able to get up without grunting or needing hand, to be able to breathe again either from less pressure on my lungs or the nasal passage swelling to go away, it would be nice for my skin not to feel like outer casing of a sausage link about to burst at any moment - to basically just get my body back.  So I think - come on Isabelle, let's go ahead and get this show on the road!!

At the same time I could use these last few days.  I'm waiting for her dresser and the glider to arrive.  I still want to do some final touches to the nursery and it would be nice to make one more sale at work for some extra jingle in that pocket for the maternity leave.  But is that it?  Do I just need to time for her furniture and baby monitor to arrive or is it more than that? 

Change has never been something I welcomed with open arms.  As a child before starting a new school year I'd often get panic attacks and have anxiety dreams like coming to school naked or getting lost and no matter what I did I couldn't get there in time.  I can remember during my first month of teaching I would get tummy aches in the morning and think I was being plagued with some random morning only sickness and then I finally realized it was nerves making my feel a lil queasy.  Panic/Anxiety attacks have been the norm with me when anything new was happening in my life, when anything big was about to happen.  I've already had the dream that I forgot where I put her and another that 2 more babies were found behind her and now I was having triplets.  Forget the fact that one of the extra babies was a miniture baby about half the size of Isabelle!

So am I ready for Isabelle?  Am I ready for my life to change, my priorities to change, my body to change- again?  Hmmmm I don't know. 

Is anyone really ready for a child?  We register, we set up the room, we hang their clothes, we read the books and go to the classes and we think- OK NOW I'm Ready!  But it's not like you've done it before.  Sure I'm the oldest of 5 kids, babysat my entire life, lifeguarded as a summer job which is watching lots of kids, taught high school kids- I've got this right?  We're ready for her... right?

I think the answer is...
NO ONE IS EVERY REALLY READY FOR A BABY!  There is no instruction manual that comes specifically made for your child.  Sure there are books that tell you when to do this or that, if this bodily fluid is normal and if that one means to call the doctor but each child is different.  Each of our lives are different.  So what do we do?

We do the best we can and hope we don't forever mess up our kids.  We hope that the mistakes we make won't cost them thousands in therapy bills in the future. 
Sorry- that's about it. 

I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to breakdown and I'm going to want to run for the hills screaming- I know it.  But I'm going to do my best and as crazy as things are about to get, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

So do I have everything ready for her? 
Nope. 
Is everything going to be perfect for when she arrives? 
Nope. 
Am I going to make every right decision and never mess up? 
Nope. 

But am I ready for her???
YOU BETCHA!

Photo's By Rachel Browne
http://rachelbrownephotography.com/